Borderline Salty is a weekly podcast hosted by Carla Lalli Music and Rick Martinez. At least, it hasn't been for a very long time. Im trying to figure out like the nature of your psychology? Martha Beck: And I said, have you asked any of my other siblings about the actual acts of sex? And she said, No. And I said, Do you want to start now? So it was my beautiful way of not having to answer that question specifically. We dont have your exact situation, but we do have three parents. You wanted to be honest. Learn more about your ad choices. Martha identifies as a codependent: someone who helps others even when helping is to her own detriment. Fixed: Release in which this issue/RFE has been fixed.The release containing this fix may be available for download as an Early Access Release or a General Availability Release. Player FM is scanning the web for high-quality podcasts for you to enjoy right now. Only I can do it for the little baby bears. Do you know what I mean? martha beck two wives. Weve never had a fight where all three of us have been fighting. She just doesnt care. Because I think we forget how many things are optional but that feel compulsory. This time the question comes from Ohio listener Bev, who hopes to learn more about codependencywhat it means and how it applies to her life as a mother and caregiver. What is Polyamory and how Martha, Rowan, and Karen make their relationship work. And what you feel is the love of the village and that I mean, its just having a larger group taps into this primordial thing. Rowan Mangan: Yeah. Im from Ohio. So it was like a now are never kind of situation. This website uses Google Analytics to collect anonymous information such as the number of visitors to the site, and the most popular pages. Okay, so you were feeling it was weird, but you were telling yourself it wasnt weird. Is that what you call it these days? And like they ask really inappropriate questions and things that heterosexual couples never have to deal with. And I think that its quite a different thing for many people in the way that they want to love. Like, How do you have sex with a woman? These kinds of questions. Photo by Rowan Mangan . </p><p>3. And also Martha, can you tell me how old your children are from your previous marriage and how old your current younger child is? Do you think that with people who do feel entitled to that quality of care taking or whatever, do you think you can like restructure a relationship with them thats not based on that? I need to know what happened after, like who broke the awkward silence after you said, Like a family. Like what happened next? 1. I have all I am doomed to be a cultural outcast. Our handle is @bewilderedpodcast. Its an identity and a circumstance that can happen when Karen comes home and says, Im in love with Rowan.. Bev: And we decided that if we were asked a direct question about how the sex goes, we would say, its great. And we just always talk about imagining the truest most beautiful relationship or family and you clearly have done it. She must be half Hermes. On We Can Do Hard Things, my wife Abby Wambach, my sister Amanda Doyle, and I do the only thing that has ever made life easier: We talk honestly about the hard. A memoir. The hilarious moment Martha, Karen, and Rowan told their friends they were now a throuple. How Martha felt after years of marriage to Karen when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. Rowan Mangan: Let's Go! Martha Beck: Martha Beck: Actually Bucephalus was Alexander the Greats horse. learn about upcoming episodes, and participate in callouts ahead of podcast taping. Whatever. How many good mothers does it take to put in a light bulb? And we would read that Melody Beattie, wed read from the Melody Beattie book. Really? There was a commotion upstairs. Rowan Mangan: Theyre both older than me. As she tells Emine Saner, who better to write self-help books? 4. And guess who gets to do the things that she doesnt want to do and doesnt have to do, this guy. Who can guess the major setting for the, "The cultural imperative to adhere to certain soci, I wrote myself some rules to help me get to the wa, "Do you find that you enjoy setting goals but have, New Substack newsletter this week. Also later, you probably, Ive never mentioned this, I went to Harvard. Rowan Mangan is a writer, podcaster and mom to a vivacious toddler. You can play along. And the answer is, Oh, no, you take it. Have you seen these things? Here we go. Beck has had an extraordinary life. If you've ever felt like an over-giver, this episode is for you! Martha Beck: And then you squat, low, you squat very low. We just go in, we know that heartbreak expands us and we can work with it. And sometimes its more interesting to hear about what you all are trying to figure out. Yeah. We've, New Substack newsletter (finally!) How Martha felt - after years of marriage to Karen - when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. Listen Sarah is a journalist obsessed with the past. You cant make them happy, you cant make them love you, you cant make them feel what you want them to feel or do what you want them to do. And they were not a happy people. Because I always feel better after we talk. And the fly is going, Thats so interesting, because I do not.. Please note: This is an unedited transcript, provided as a courtesy, and reflects the actual conversation as closely as possible. And you are not in the equation. And I put a lot of money that I did not have. Said 1% of the population that theyre in a deeply satisfying domestic arrangement. Because when Abby and I fell in love, and decided we were going to be together, we were scared. I love this book. I had a black hole of a day myself yesterday. Shes getting on. I decided what every woman needs is a wife, but now Im thinking what every woman needs is two wives. Martha Beck: I would say quite a bit offended. Thats what we want to talk about. That is probably easier for most of us to relate to. Martha Beck: Rowan Mangan: And everybody has to do tons of psychological pre-work so that I know whom to sick the lions on. Its rubbed off on us. They like you to be codependent. And the culture doesnt really go for that. Photograph: Teri Pengilley. Martha Beck: At this crazy moment in history a lot of people are feelings bewildered, but that actually may be a sign were on track. And I just said, You know what kids? Yeah. How Martha felt - after years of marriage to Karen - when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. The dogs know about that like 20 minute time. How Martha felt after years of marriage to Karen when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. Well be right back with more Bewildered. Friendships, even professional relationships. We hope youre enjoying Bewildered. Yes. Happenings? Its not mine. Made in with SitemapPrivacyTOS, No host has claimed this podcast yet, if you are the host you can verify ownership by claiming this podcast, Insightful and timely. I think at the moment, its probably parenting stuff. Good. Does queerness make the transition to this kind of way of love easier? Martha Beck is a longtime soul teacher whose most recent book is The Way of Integrity, which Oprah named as an Oprah's Book Club selection on February 8. And Row looked at me like, Why did you have to bring that up? I just think thats so freaking cool that you had the courage to do that. Host Kelsey McKinney discusses reader-submitted comedic gossip with guests, diving into the lives and decisions of complete strangers. Rowan Mangan: You can. In a sort of pop psychology sort of way. Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. And so how does that function? And then you just kind of encounter someone who is already a spider. Which is why you are our favorite person under the sun. Go back. I mean, Rows not that much older than they are. I had a plan. Shes got bears everywhere. And they were both pretty amazing about the prospect of having another tiny person to look after. What if they always treat others the way spiders do? Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: Martha Beck: Martha Beck's The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self is the latest Oprah's Book Club selection, it was announced today. Martha Beck: I was just When I was in Africa, wed get around the fire pit and wed tell stories. And that becomes, do you have one of those strappy things, right. They undervalue themselves. And then the last thing is youll start to feel, you will deny this, but youll begin to feel resentful. 3. If you can create from that space, you can create anything: a relationship, a mood, a food, an object of some kind. So it would help us enormously if you would consider going over to your favorite podcasting app, especially if its Apple, and giving us a few stars, maybe even five, maybe even six if you can find a way to hack the system. Im sure that youre just a jolly, jolly bunch. Martha Beck: And I thought they were going to get together. . Is there something youve been feeling bewildered about? Martha Beck & Rowan Mangan: Polyamory & Throuple Life We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle Relationships 1. Martha Beck | Blog - The Genius List It wasnt optional. Yeah. [Music fades] Hi, Im Martha Beck! How Martha felt after years of marriage to Karen when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. And then Im just going to become friends with her and be part of her life. This episode is all about codependencysacrificing your own needs for those of someone elsebehavior that can lead to exhaustion, resentment, even illness. Martha Beck: Yeah, exactly. How so? Theres a way that you have , Rowan Mangan: With reference to codependency. But another clue is that you start to feel exhausted with other people and you have to go up away by yourself to regain the energy that youve expended taking care of other people. Im not even kidding. If you can never get enough true crime Congratulations, youve found your people. Its fear there wont be enough for me. Yes. Kettlebells, the baby. There is a lot of mother and wife in there. Rowan Mangan: Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices. Because parts of it make me laugh so hard, but Martha, you were married to a dude long time ago. The hilarious moment Martha, Karen, and Rowan told their friends they were now a throuple.</p><p>4. I would also say our mornings are pretty ritualistic where whoever wakes up first usually takes the dogs out, makes the coffee. Rows bomb came to visit, she was in the guest room. It was first about addiction and how that affects people. So the funny thing is that I start out, its a bit embarrassing the way I start out in this story, because I came in as a kind of Martha Beck groupie. She holds three Harvard degrees in social science, and Oprah Winfrey has called her one of the smartest women I know. Her newest book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller. martha beck two wives Yeah, Im not sure what you have to buff, but well talk about that in another episode. And theres nothing more important and wonderful to us than the TV couch time at night. I will give you what you need because otherwise you will hurt me. And the spider feels like theyre best friends and everythings great, and the fly is being slowly consumed from within. Were like, were going to say we have developed a very strong family feeling. And after about five minutes, I was just like, keep talking, Mrs. Whatever your name is. 3. Now, a lot of people think-. Seriously, Ive been getting physical therapy and then I lift weights like a maniac to try to build my strength up. And both of them are like hard to fight with that. Its stressful because youre sexualizing yourself in front of your parents-. Remarkable lessons for couples based on the ways they deal with conflict, jealousy, and daily rituals to stay close.Martha and Rowan entrusting their story to us feels deeply personal to me. And just go, That was wonderful. She holds three Harvard degrees-. How does it feel for you when you know youre exhausting yourself taking care of others? Love the podcast, good episode and clear audio! Send post to email address, comma separated for multiple emails. It was so exciting. Yeah. There were about eight people in the room at that point. And we shouldnt presume to speak for anyone other than ourselves because it is circumstance for us. She has survived childhood sexual abuse, and removed herself from the Mormon church. And that, I think it eventually just rubbed off on you. It would be like a two legged stool, that just does not work. And one day she came to me and said, Marty, I need to talk to you about something. I was like, all right. But heres Row and shes like, What do you think about parenting? And Im like, I dont know, feed them? Tell me, Marty, what are you trying to figure out this week? So youre just talking about where its invisible privilege that can be worked with, but thats different from where theres actual narcissism. Its not like the spider catches it and wraps it up, the fly comes over and says, Im more than happy for you to wrap me up and suck my life force. Right? Yeah. And I get to control it. And so weirdly they were losing part of their own ego investment when somebody else took part of the job. Im Martha Beck, here with Rowan Mangan. But I only want to talk to you for one hour a week until Im less busy. and they go, Oh. Its non judgment. This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. Rowan Mangan: Its an important word. But its also the way they react when theyre around anyone else that they love. Rowan Mangan: Good Lord, I heard so many stories, not just in Mormonism, of couples going to a family therapist and saying, Hes fine, but shes exhausted. TW: @TheMarthaBeck So many people are striving towards normal because thats what were promised will make us happy. I think in what were talking about in our marriage and with your life and the way that youre loving, its just I really think that that might be the only way. Would you say thats it? Martha Beck: https://linktr.ee/normalgossip,

The official podcast of the HBO Original Limited Series, We Own This City. 4. So its not going to happen. And when you say, Okay, wheres the limit of my resentment? Its like that thing of like, why do I have to talk to you about that? And I think its shifting now in a way that is deeply spiritual as a homecoming to the soul. I was just making conversation. We didnt really have a lot of language about it or knowledge of how that other people did this and how they might do it. You know thats what theyre all thinking. And I was like, but nothing happened. Rowan Mangan: And I think we didnt necessarily mean to do this for the sake of our relationship, but thats like the downstream kind of effect. And me, I was already out on my ear. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Get off whatever web is causing you to over help and under care for yourself. Thank you for trusting us and sharing this hour with us, for the rest of you this week when things get hard, dont forget we can do hard things and make your list and cross off whatever you dont want to do or have to do and return home to yourself.

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